NERVOUS, BUT CURIOUS 1944-1948

I was not a sickly child, but I was sick quite abit during our first three years there.  In my short life, I had experienced nausea and vomiting and I became deathly afraid of that sickness.  So leary of it, that I could imagine an onset of nausea very easily.  I was also plagued with intense longing for my Mother and the safety at home when I was in the first and second grades. For reasons unknown, I developed a fear of not being perfect in the work books and tests.  I remember looking out of the class room windows and longing for my Mother.  I am not sure about this, but I suspect this was laying the ground work for my rebellion that came upon me in Junior High School...I transformed myself into a sulky little punk who made sure it was clear to all concerned that I didn't give a damn about passing their tests nor conforming to their rules.  But, I knew when I had pushed the envelope far enough, and could become a sweet little "ass kisser"  when things got hot.  Case in point:  1953,  Mr. Charles E. Cannon, Principal of Clark Jr. High, called me into his office and he had feed back from my teachers on how rebellious I was.  I could read between the lines, and he was ready to expel me.  I changed my tune and told him how sorry I was if I had offended him. He said "Now, you are talking turkey."   I had never heard that phrase before, but I assumed talking turkey was kissing ass when the ass needed kissing.  He did not expell me.!   But, I need to go back to 1948 or so.  When the war was over, there was a sudden explosion of toys ...metal toys on the market..such as bicycles!  The bicycle became my escape mechanism at speeds I never attained on my scooter or tricycle.  It took a few spills to find out what it would do and things it did not like doing.  I  learned how to "brodie"  which was riding fast and then slamming on the brake while making a sharp turn.  The skid mark was the report card on how good of a brodie it was...the wider, the better. I learned all of the no-no's like your foot slipping off the pedal and crashing down on that bar that ran from seat to steering column.  Not good for the balls..and it made me wonder why girl's bikes did not have that bar...they don't have balls.  The house my parents bought had a nice feature....there was a door in my bedroom that led to the back porch.  It took three years for it to dawn on me.....I could escape into the night through that door without disturbing my sleeping parents !   That coupled with my bicycle parked just outside, opened the doors of opportunity....I had a tremendous crush on twin girls in my class...they were so cute...to love one was to love them both.  Arleene and Adrienne.........they were so mysterious to me.....somewhat quiet, but glancing around and making mental notes.....I loved them both and I knew where they lived via the phone book.  A ride from my house to theirs was about two miles..uphill.   I did that quite a few times...way late...when the street lamps were haloed in fog and all was quiet.   Many times, I parked my bike across the street from their house and just longed....windows all dark...all asleep, and they never knew that I loved them so....Then, the ride back to my bed....so magic....I found a secret friend just standing in the window on the second floor of an apartment Bldg that faced Glenoaks.  The little Green Man made of glass...Mr Wizard Wick.  His job was to just stand there and emit pleasant aromas in the entry hall to the upstairs units.  I visited with him and told him I liked him alot and I knew how he felt.  This is exactly why I think childhood is the apex of human experience....a child's imaginery World that is so normal for a child..but not an adult......Why so?  Who laid down that rule?  What a raping of the mind through the sterilizing of lovely experiences.....I got home ok. slept well, and Mom and Dad never knew....They would not understand..anyway.....(to be continued)