THE TWO GIRLS

After the immediate panic over wondering if we had been spotted ascending from my home, things became quiet again.  It was a new day  and it was a Monday.  My life had become a hodge-podge of mood of the moment taking charge. I needed a few constants in my life  and I began to play with an idea that intrigued me greatly.  I had my obsessions for sure, and those obsessions not only included my childhood, but two girls in that childhood. One was named Jeanette and she was in my classes from Kindergarten through Fifth grade.  It was in First grade that she must have done something to indicate she really liked me.  Memory fails here, but she must have passed a note to me.  The reason I say that is I remember giving a note to her after school and our eyes met.  She was very cute, but not beautiful. She had sandy colored hair and Hazel eyes.  There was sonething about her that radiated an inner knowing of something that no one else knew.  Looking back, I am surprised I noticed this at such a young age.  We were fond of each other through all five grades....always sitting across from each other.  Her family lived right across and down a few houses from Mark Keppel Elementery School.  One time, she invited me to walk home with her.  In the back yard, she sang a song just for me; it was Buttons and Bows and she really sang it well...lots of gusto.  We often just walked together after school..holding hands.  She was very quiet, but when she spoke, it had a depth to it for a chid that age that was unusual.  My family moved after my fifth grade, and I never saw her again.  It was in the 1970's that I began to enter a very dark tunnel of what might be called Mental illness.  I began to drink heavily and instead of making me boistrous and loud, I sank into my easy chair and played the Moody Blues Album  "Days of Future Passed"  It became Jeanette singing to me.  She came to me in my dreams and whispered to me, but I could not tell what she was saying.  I made several flying trips to L.A. to see if I could find her or anything about where she went.  I did find that her Father retired and the family moved to Newport Beach where she finished High School.  Her Father was an orphan who was raised by a Jessie Miller in Scotland.  He was a master carpenter and made beautiful cabinetry.  I went for Psychiatric help and took medecine.  I could not shake this girl; she was chasing me.  Now, the other girl.  Bonnie Williams went to Clark Jr. High in the early fifties when I did also.  I fell in love with her magic.  She was very quiet also, and grabbed every string in my bosom.  One night, I was lying in my bed and could not sleep.  I sensed Bonnie out somewhere away from home.  I dressed and rode my bicycle the four miles up-hill to a place very near her home.  I became very shy ands afraid to go any further.  I stopped on a corner just down from her house and just sat on my bike..my heart racing.  Out of the darkness, I heard her call my name BOB...she came running and I was so ashamed of things in me that were quite normal.  I became defensive and said:  "I bet you think I came up here to see you,"   She hung her head and said no, and walked away.  I never saw her again.  Several weeks later, I stopped in Vice Pricipals office and asked what happened to Bonnie Williams.  Miss hall simply said....Youngstown, Ohio.  I so deeply regret hurting this girl's feelings when she was honest enough and brave enough to put herself on the line....and was bruised because of it.  I must help Bobby to do over what he will become obsessed with doing over and that is to supply a very important missing link and to leave it all with a good feeling about it all.   (to be continued)